The Hidden Women Page 5

  ‘They all sound amazing,’ I said.

  ‘Then Mum met my dad,’ Jack said. ‘And it all went a bit wrong for a while.’

  ‘Wrong, how?’

  ‘He wasn’t a bad bloke, by all accounts. He seemingly loved Mum and they planned to get married. But she found out she was pregnant and he got scared, I think.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Same old story,’ I said sharply.

  Jack looked at me with interest. ‘Sounds like you mean that,’ he said.

  I gave him a grim smile. ‘Happened to me,’ I said, wondering why on earth I was sharing my story with him and yet somehow unable to resist.

  ‘My boyfriend legged it when I got pregnant,’ I said. ‘Well, I legged it actually but only after he’d given me a brochure for an abortion clinic.’

  ‘Ah,’ said Jack.

  ‘Ah.’

  ‘And did you, erm …?’

  I smiled properly this time and showed him the photo on my phone. ‘Dora’s two,’ I said. ‘And she’s not seen Greg for more than a year. He took a job in Canada.’

  Jack winced. ‘What a douche,’ he said.

  I suddenly felt uncomfortable, sharing so much with a stranger. ‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘We’re fine.’ I smiled. ‘Show me a family that doesn’t have a baby born with the whiff of a scandal and I’ll show you a family that knows how to keep secrets.’

  Jack nodded sadly. ‘My dad’s family were quite traditional and a mixed-race grandkid born out of wedlock didn’t really work for them.’

  I patted his hand, trying hard to fight the temptation to gather him up into my arms. He looked so sad.

  ‘I met them a few times, and my dad was around a bit when I was younger, but he got married to someone else and his visits got less and less frequent. By the time I was ten, I never saw him at all.’

  ‘Did you miss him?’ I was fairly sure Dora never gave Greg a second thought but I worried she would as she got older.

  He shook his head. ‘I’d never had a proper relationship with him.’

  ‘How did you find out he’d died?’

  ‘Solicitor,’ Jack said, shrugging. ‘He left me some money.’

  ‘So he was thinking about you after all.’

  ‘I think that makes it worse,’ Jack said. ‘Because he could have just rung, you know? And I’m doing okay, in my career. I didn’t need his money – but I needed a dad.’

  I breathed out. This was so sad. I hoped he’d be as honest with the camera crew when they filmed his story – it would make a great episode.

  ‘And you want to know more about his family now?’

  ‘I know lots about my Caribbean side. I know everything. I’ve met everyone. I know the recent history and I know further back – the murky bits. The nasty, horrible, slavery bits.’

  I nodded again.

  ‘And I’m really aware that I can only go so far back on that side of my family. We will never be able to go much further than a few generations because no one kept records. I don’t know where we came from, or what my ancestors did, and I will never be able to find out.’

  ‘So now you’re filling the gap on the other side instead?’ I said, understanding now where his drive to discover his family came from.

  ‘That’s the plan.’ He gave me a little sheepish smile. ‘Sorry to be so demanding.’

  I smiled back at him and for a second we stayed that way, eyes locked, smiling at each other, until I dropped my gaze. What was I doing?

  ‘I don’t mind at all,’ I said honestly. ‘Happy to help.’

  ‘Did you find out anything about your own family mystery?’

  I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Did he mean Greg? I knew where he was. I looked at him blankly. ‘What mystery?’

  ‘Your Lilian Miles,’ he said.

  ‘Oh, Lilian. No, not really. I don’t think there’s anything mysterious about it all …’

  ‘But?’

  ‘But there was a look between my parents, when I mentioned what I’d found.’

  Jack sat up a bit straighter. ‘And?’ he said.

  ‘And my dad turned up here and asked me to research her some more.’

  ‘Interesting,’ said Jack, raising his eyebrows.

  ‘I chatted about it with my sister …’

  ‘You’ve got a sister?’

  ‘I’ve got two,’ I said, finding the way his mind darted between subjects a bit disconcerting. Maybe he had drunk too much coffee. ‘And a brother.’

  ‘Awesome,’ Jack said. ‘So what did your sister say?’

  ‘She said I should ask my great-aunt what she did during the war and whether this Lilian Miles is her.’

  ‘Seems reasonable enough.’

  ‘I suggested that to Dad,’ I went on.

  ‘And what did he say?’

  I frowned. ‘He didn’t really say anything because we were interrupted. He was very keen for me to research her, though. I don’t understand why.’

  ‘I understand,’ Jack said.

  I stared at him. ‘You do?’

  ‘I understand what it’s like not to know about part of your family,’ he explained. ‘Maybe your dad feels the same.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said, doubtfully. ‘But he knows all about Lil. She even lived with us for a while. She’s hardly an enigma.’

  Jack grinned. ‘But you don’t know about her war.’

  ‘Well, no …’

  ‘So she is an enigma. At least part of her life is.’

  I shook my head, feeling like he’d just backed me into a corner. ‘Dad was hiding something,’ I said thoughtfully, almost to myself. ‘It was like he didn’t want to tell me the real reason he was so keen.’

  ‘You have to find out more,’ Jack said.

  Eagerly, he took my hand and I felt a jolt like the electric shocks I always got off the dodgy lift buttons in the office. Surprised, I pulled my hand away and he looked embarrassed.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘No, don’t apologise,’ I blustered. ‘I just got an electric shock is all.’

  He smiled at me. ‘Sorry,’ he said again. ‘Next time I take your hand, I’ll warn you in advance so you can earth yourself.’

  ‘Next time,’ I said, sounding robotic and as though I didn’t really understand the words, like Eleven from Stranger Things.

  We smiled at each other and I felt myself flush.

  ‘So, yeah,’ I said briskly, to break the awkward moment. ‘Dad wants me to look at the service records but I explained I’m not allowed. Fliss is very strict about us not researching our own family history at work.’

  ‘Use my research,’ Jack said.

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘Use my family as a cover. Find Frank Jones in the ATA and look up Lil while you’re at it.’

  ‘I really don’t think that’s a good idea,’ I said. ‘It’s too risky. We can all see each other’s searches. What if someone twigs I’m looking up my family? I can’t lose my job.’

  Jack shrugged. ‘Just an idea,’ he said. ‘No need to decide now. Why not think about it?’

  I smiled despite my misgivings. ‘Okay, then,’ I said. ‘I’ll think about it. But for now, I’m just going to talk to Lil.’

  Jack grinned again. His smile was infectious.

  ‘Great,’ he said. ‘Let me know how you get on.’

  Chapter 9

  I thought about how best to approach the subject with Lil all weekend. Several times I picked up the phone to speak to her in her care home down in Surrey, then changed my mind. I’d go and see her in person, I thought. And anyway, I didn’t know for sure yet that she was the Lilian Miles on the ATA list. The only way to find out was to double-check the service record – under the cover of checking Frank Jones of course. If – and it was a big if – I decided to go down that road, I couldn’t do it until I was back at work on Monday and had access to all the databases.

  Work, as always, was busy that week. Filming was starting on
the next series of the show and it was all hands on deck to check the last few details. I was kept busy all day Monday and most of Tuesday going over the royal connections of a Sixties’ pop star who was a distant relation of Lady Jane Grey, while Elly raced round trying to find a historian who was an expert in prostitution to talk to a celebrity chef whose ancestor ran a high-class brothel in Victorian Manchester.

  Late on Tuesday afternoon, the phone on my desk rang.

  ‘Helena?’ I recognised those clipped tones immediately.

  ‘Jack,’ I said, ignoring the way my heart thumped. ‘Hello.’

  Next to me, Elly raised an eyebrow.

  I spun round in my chair so I had my back to her.

  ‘What’s up?’ I asked Jack.

  ‘I’ve been doing a bit of research,’ he said. ‘Thought you might like to see it.’

  ‘Research?’ I said, sounding a bit stupid. ‘What kind of research?’

  ‘I tracked down my uncle. My father’s brother.’

  ‘You did? That’s wonderful. Was he pleased to hear from you?’

  I could hear Jack smiling at the other end of the phone.

  ‘He actually was,’ he said. ‘Turns out he’s a big fan of Mackenzie.’

  Mackenzie was the detective show Jack starred in.

  ‘I’m so pleased,’ I said. ‘Are you going to meet up?’

  ‘We are. He says he’s got some photos to show me.’

  ‘That’s great,’ I said, honestly. ‘Do you think he’ll chat to you on camera? It’s always good to get social history from people who have actual memories.’

  ‘I’m sure he’d be game,’ Jack said. I scribbled down a note to mention it to the director of his show.

  ‘… service records,’ Jack was saying.

  ‘I’m sorry, I missed that,’ I said. ‘What was that about service records?’

  ‘I thought we could check them together, to find out more about my grandfather’s time in the ATA,’ he said. Then he lowered his voice, even though no one but me could hear him. ‘We could see if my grandad knew Lilian Miles. Maybe they worked together. Have you spoken to her yet? Did you find out if she’s one of your relatives? Wouldn’t that be utterly amazing?’

  ‘You are the keenest celebrity I’ve ever worked with,’ I said.

  Jack laughed. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t apologise – it’s nice,’ I said. ‘And I understand why you’re so eager. It’s just unusual.’

  ‘So did you speak to her?’

  ‘Not yet,’ I said. ‘But I’m planning to.’

  I paused, aware of my colleagues – especially Elly of course – all around me.

  ‘What you said, about the service records,’ I said, choosing my words carefully. ‘Perhaps we could check them.’

  ‘Of course.’ Jack sounded pleased. ‘I’m guessing it will be better for our cover story if we do it together.’

  ‘I agree,’ I said cautiously, still nervous about the plan. Was I going to regret this? Especially considering the chaos he’d brought with him when he came to the office last week. Though, I thought, he’d been far less disruptive when he came in the second time. And I found I really wanted to see him again.

  Mentally I started checking my plans for the week. I’d finished with the Sixties’ pop star now, so tomorrow and Thursday was more Sarah Sanderson research, and I’d planned to set aside Friday to look into Jack’s research. Maybe Jack could pop by the office late on Friday afternoon and we could look it all up together, and have a sneaky look at Lilian Miles while we were at it. I could duplicate all our findings and make him his own file to take away, so he wouldn’t mess up my own folders. And I could get Mum to collect Dora from nursery and take her back to theirs for our Friday dinner.

  ‘How about Friday afternoon?’ I said. ‘About fourish?’

  ‘Sorry, no can do.’ Jack sounded genuinely fed up. ‘I’m filming on Friday.’

  ‘Oh that’s a shame. I can email you anything I find out …’

  ‘Are you free now?’

  ‘Now?’

  ‘Let’s do the research now. Unless you’re snowed under?’

  Elly prodded me in the back and when I glanced over my shoulder at her, she made a kissing face. I stuck my tongue out at her.

  ‘Erm,’ I said. ‘I suppose so.’

  ‘I can be there in half an hour?’ Jack said.

  ‘Great,’ I said, feeling a little bit railroaded. ‘See you then.’

  It was more like an hour and a half later when Jack strolled into the office. Most of the researchers, including Elly much to my relief, had gone home, and I’d had to call Mum in a panic and ask her to get Dora for me. I was, for the gazillionth time, thankful that I’d chosen to live so close to my parents when Greg and I split up. It may have seemed a backwards step – though not as backwards as staying in Miranda’s annexe while she was between au pairs had seemed – but it had been a good decision.

  Jack looked completely different from how he was last week. His hair was swept back off his face, and he was wearing good jeans, a black T-shirt, and a nice leather biker jacket. He really was gorgeous. I felt slightly wobbly when he grinned at me as he approached my desk. Then his face fell as he clocked that there was no one else around.

  ‘God,’ he said. ‘Am I making you work late?’

  ‘No,’ I lied. ‘I had some things to do anyway.’

  Jack peeled off the jacket, bundled it up and threw it down on the floor under Elly’s desk. I itched to shake it out and hang it up, but I didn’t. Then he sat down in Elly’s chair and spun round so he was facing me.

  ‘What do we do first?’ he asked.

  My head was spinning – and not just from the way he looked or the smell of his aftershave. He was like a whirlwind, coming into my carefully ordered space and throwing everything around, metaphorically and literally I thought as his elbow caught a book that was on my desk and sent it crashing to the floor.

  ‘Oops,’ he said. He picked it up and put it on Elly’s desk, then turned his attention back to me.

  ‘How come you’ve not spoken to your aunt yet?’

  Completely unable to think straight with his eyes trained on me, I opened my mouth like a guppy and nothing came out.

  ‘Your Aunt Lilian?’ Jack said carefully. ‘You were going to speak to her.’

  ‘I’ve not really had a chance,’ I said. ‘I’ve been busy.’

  Jack sat back in Elly’s chair and put his feet up on her desk. He looked at me with a cheeky smile and said: ‘Sounds like there’s something holding you back. Tell me everything.’

  So I did.

  Well not everything. But I explained that Lil was very special to me and my siblings, so it was strange we didn’t know she’d been a pilot. Jack listened intently.

  ‘Miranda – that’s my sister, remember I mentioned her before? She’s very black and white and she can’t see why I won’t just ask Lil,’ I told him. ‘Dad’s the same. But I’m worried this could be something traumatic for her. If she is the Lilian Miles on the list, there has to be a reason for her not mentioning it for over seventy years. She’s quite frail now and I don’t want to upset her.’

  ‘You want to make sure it really is her before you go to her,’ Jack said, nodding. ‘I get that.’

  ‘There could be something in the records that gives us a clue about why she might not have mentioned it,’ I said. ‘Sometimes we find reports of actions that might have been upsetting. Maybe someone died – as far as I know some of the ATA did die. Amy Johnson, for one.’

  ‘I’ve heard of her,’ Jack said in delight. ‘She was in the ATA was she?’

  I nodded. ‘Crashed in bad weather,’ I told him. ‘Obviously Lil didn’t die, but maybe she lost a friend? Or was in some sort of accident? It could be anything.’

  ‘You’re very caring,’ Jack said.

  He pulled his chair closer to mine and I got another whiff of his aftershave.

  ‘You look different,’ I said, unable to resist
commenting, and wanting to shift his attention off me.

  ‘I was doing a press conference for the new series of Mackenzie,’ he said, pulling at his T-shirt self-consciously. ‘My agent always makes me dress up for them.’

  He leaned closer to me.

  ‘I just wear what she tells me to wear,’ he said, in a low voice even though there was no one around to hear him. ‘I’m hopeless with fashion and stuff. She gets a stylist to buy me clothes.’

  He looked down at himself and then back at me with a funny, embarrassed grin. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘Of the clothes?’ I stammered. ‘Oh, nice. You look, erm, great.’

  Jack smiled properly now. ‘So do you,’ he said.

  I felt a blush crawl up my neck and on to my face so I turned away. ‘Service records,’ I said hurriedly. Thank goodness I never met the celebrities if I developed thumping big crushes like this one on them all.

  ‘Service records,’ Jack echoed.

  We had access to so many databases, that it was hard to keep track. We used most of the Second World War ones often, but I’d never had the need to search the ATA archive before. I hoped that meant none of my colleagues checked it very often either and no one would notice me searching for a Miles family member.

  It took me a while to find the right site, then check the folder where we stored all our shared logins and type it in.

  When the site eventually loaded, I breathed out in relief. It was formatted exactly like most of the Forces sites. ‘It’s all very easy,’ I explained. ‘We just need to search for the name and the dates. Your grandfather …’

  ‘No, do Lilian first,’ Jack said. ‘Go on – I really want to know if she’s your aunt.’

  With hands that trembled slightly, knowing I was doing something wrong and that Fliss would be furious if she caught me, I typed Lilian Miles and 1940–45 into the search bar and pressed return.

  It took a while, but it brought up just one result. Lilian Miles, it said, 15/10/23, Air Transport Auxiliary. I gasped.

  ‘That’s her,’ I said. ‘That’s Lil’s date of birth.’

  ‘Click on it,’ Jack urged.

  I shook my head, wobbling again over what I was doing. ‘I don’t need to,’ I said. ‘We know it’s her now. We don’t need to know any more.’